I Believe in the Power of Self
by Phyllis Baker

I believe in the power of Self. To become self-empowered and self-reliant can change your life. If you aren’t there yet, get there as soon as you can. Being totally responsible for one’s self means not blaming others but it also means you call all your own shots. Wow. That is true empowerment.

I was raised in the era when a woman could only achieve stature and distinction through her husband. When I married, my husband expected me to be secondary to him; he was always first, even after we had we children and I were just accessories in his life, mere satellites orbiting around his self-centered world.

There were times when I felt like I must be invisible and wondered if I truly existed. I see pictures of women in traditional Islamic dress, their faces completely hidden beneath their burqas. They look at the world through a small opening for their eyes. It seems to me they must feel invisible as I once did when I had no sense of m y value as a human being.

Years ago I was whining to a therapist and what she said stopped me cold mid-whine. “Stop being a victim.” It shocked me, as if she had thrown ice water in my face. It was then that I began to take control of my life and shape my destiny.

I began to work outside my home and my sense of identity and self-worth began to grow. All of the bosses and supervisors I have ever had have praised my work ethic, intelligence and dependability. I have been told many times, “Thanks for being you.” I finally knew that I was OK, and began reclaiming my Self.

Near the end of my marriage, I knew I could no longer live with someone who didn’t value me and had no respect for my need to have a sense of identity. I asked for a divorce and told my husband that I was eager to live alone, not having to please others, unless I chose to do so. He called me selfish. Yes, I was being selfish and rational. I had decided to take care of me first. Then, and only then could I begin to take care of others.

It is no longer a man’s world; it is our world. Everyone, no matter what gender, what race, what religion, has the power to make a difference and change the world.

Now that I believe in Self, I am empowered and know what I I want and don’t want. I no longer compromise myself. I say what I think and don’t hide behind my shyness. I step forward and face the word: proud and responsible for my belief in Self.

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